My Southern Soul: grief

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I can't.
Though I want to.
I long to.
But I won't.
All because I am not sure.

What do I do?
Please tell me.
Please help me.

Mom, I wish I could ask you.
Would you know what to tell me?
You would because you love me.
That is all I need right now.

Where do I go when nothing feels right?
How do I decide what is best?
Tell me Mom because I'm hurting right now.
Help me make these jumbled thoughts into good decisions.

Hug me Mom because I need it now.
More than anything I need your hug.
Tell me it will be okay and let me
Lay my head on your shoulder.

I can smell you and see your smile.

Dear Mom,
I need you.
Right now.
I wish you were here.

I really need you.
I really miss you.

My heart hurts mom.
It really hurts.

Somewhere Inside

I keep all of Sophie's drawings.
The cleaning bug doesn't usually bite me but when it does it is usually all out. I go overboard.
I love things that touch my heart.
I love a good heart wrenching book or movie.
I believe in fairy tales.
I wish I could let go of all of my insecurities and live completely free.
I feel like I get on people's nerves.
I want to be noticed but I don't like attention.
I have trouble sleeping - too many thoughts and fears.
Music makes my soul feel free.
I can be terribly stubborn.
I can be judgemental
Mountains make me happy.
I secretly wish I could afford to focus my energy on some type of art and my family, not a "job".
I often feel out of place or irrelevant.
I enjoy detail specific activities.
Sophie can make me the happiest person in the world and break my heart so completely - all in the same instant.
Chris can do the same thing.
I can read a day away.
Friendships are hard for me.
Philosophy intrigues me.
I love Willie Wonka.
I fear early death.
I wish my mother could be here.