Sunday, July 30, 2017

Discard and Gather

Discard and Gather

When we are born we learn to gather.
We gather mother's milk, her love...every one's love.
We gather language, expressions, understanding.
Muscle tone, movement, balance, control.  

Emotions are the hardest and take the longest. 
As parents, we hope to help our children understand and manage them.
What a job that is...
Emotions will always be with us, and govern us. 
How we control them is how we earn our wings in life right?

Learning to understand another human is integral; yet one of our hardest lessons.
When you learn to understand and accept another human being - as-is -
That is when you understand everything else in the world.
Acceptance, not judgment. 
That is what we were put here to do. 

We learn to discard other's opinions.
Those who wish us nothing more than hurt
The simple misuse of human or animal affinity.
Or easily the apathetic human nature stored deep inside all of us.

You grow and learn and accept.
There is never a moment that isn't a lesson.
Take from others and obstacles what is best. 
Discard what wasn't good. 
It wasn't meant for you anyway.

So many people argue; so many postulate, so many mindsets. 
Where is the concession?
I want to admit something...
You think I am talking about the world in general?

No, I am asking personally. 
When you find yourself with little to gather, 
When do you allow yourself to discard?
Where is earthwork in your garden that separates the growth from the walkway?

Some choose to, or are taught to - directly or indirectly, 
to allow some sort of detached control.
These long suffering wounds are free to fester.
The damage, of which, disseminates everything within reach.
Misery does seek company. 
As does insufficiency.

As with any disease, you must learn to identify indications.
Where did it begin? How did it spread?
If it rooted in your own infrastructure, you must face it.
Accept it and heal it. 
From your heart to your mind. 

If outside of that, you find counter-agents and or medicament's to heal.
You can't blame it on the okra growing happily beside it. 
Or the spirited little weed that sprouted alongside. 
You look directly at the issue that is apparent.
That is what you repair.

It is the only way others will be able to gather your goodness. 
And be able to discard what isn't. 

I walk the garden of my life every single day. 
I gather the fruit of which is viable,
And satisfying.
I am learning to discard what is not.
To discard what is afflicted and irreparable.. 

Then, and only then, can the bountifulness of life 
fall into your basket.






Saturday, July 15, 2017

Driving With My Mom

I dreamed last night that I was riding in the car with my mom 
as the adult I am today. 
She reached over and put her arm on mine
 and I couldn't help but notice how unusual it felt 
but in my dream I couldn't understand why. 
As we drove, we didn't speak but it was a comfortable silence. 
One where you hear the wind along the car, 
you can smell the grass because the windows are down, 
you feel the sun on your arm and face. 
During the ride I closed my eyes and could see four small journals. 
They were mine.
Four different pastel colors with writing all over them. 
My stories, my life. 
Without words she wanted me to know that she had read them. 
That she had been a part of them. 
That she was there. 
It was a conscious dream. 
One where I knew I was dreaming 
Yet I knew it was real. 
And it was. 
And she is. 
And that makes me so very happy. 

Somewhere Inside

  • I keep all of Sophie's drawings.
  • The cleaning bug doesn't usually bite me but when it does it is usually all out. I go overboard.
  • I love things that touch my heart.
  • I love a good heart wrenching book or movie.
  • I believe in fairy tales.
  • I wish I could let go of all of my insecurities and live completely free.
  • I feel like I get on people's nerves.
  • I want to be noticed but I don't like attention.
  • I have trouble sleeping - too many thoughts and fears.
  • Music makes my soul feel free.
  • I can be terribly stubborn.
  • I can be judgemental
  • Mountains make me happy.
  • I secretly wish I could afford to focus my energy on some type of art and my family, not a "job".
  • I often feel out of place or irrelevant.
  • I enjoy detail specific activities.
  • Sophie can make me the happiest person in the world and break my heart so completely - all in the same instant.
  • Chris can do the same thing.
  • I can read a day away.
  • Friendships are hard for me.
  • Philosophy intrigues me.
  • I love Willie Wonka.
  • I fear early death.
  • I wish my mother could be here.