Sunday, September 17, 2017

Sad Girl

No one likes the sad girl. She lingers in the corners watching, listening, building castles in the air; it makes you uneasy so you do your best to ignore her. 
No one likes to hear her speak, for she speaks most often of the dark places in her mind. Those dark places are like mirrors and you are afraid of what you might see. Her eyes are like oceans - what lies beneath also lies within. She can see things hidden, she can hear the whispers of the waves, and she can feel what is suppressed. She is the storm.
No one likes to watch her move because her paths are uncharted, unfamiliar, and seemingly indefinite. Her fingers touch the leaves as she walks by, her hand catches the wind through the window. She stops to let the sun shine all of its warmth into her soul. She is the reason for your apprehension. She makes you still.
No one likes the sad girl, her tears and her words contain unfathomable weight. Too much for this world. Along her lines are stories, written by every second she has lived and ever will live. Every wrinkle a tale, every pore a memory, every hair a moment that has touched her. She is indescribable, yet she is tangible. She is not you.
No one wants to get too close. She is never really open though her heart is like a river - ever moving, unrestrained. To see inside, under the current, the clearness of her intentions.The white noise of her raging. To be near her is to burn. She is fire.
No one sings her song. The soft ancient melody that the world has hummed forever, it is hers. A song that changes and forever stays the same. The dark sky that is her, full of stars, most unseen.The moon her only light. She changes the tides and you still can't see.
No one likes the sad girl.
How would they know she is luminescent...

Monday, September 4, 2017

Like A Cuddle

As a kitty curls into your chest
With trust unconditional
And a child holds onto you with
Innocence and true love

I will let go in the same way.
With love and no conditions.
A hug and a kiss
With understanding and sweetness.

Because it means the most to everyone that way.

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

It's Okay

You can tell me things are wrong but
It's okay
Things may happen that cause dismay but
It's okay
I can pretend to be okay
But I'm not.
You can say you are
But you aren't.
I'm glad we can be honest and admit
We aren't okay
Just so we can be.
Secrets and withheld thoughts only cause us harm
Honesty and love holds us together.
And that's what we are.
Together.
You have said it.
I have said it.
The universe has made it clear.
We will be okay.
No matter how hard or how many times we have to fight.
We. Are. Okay.
And that's why I love you.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

What Applies Now

It runs through my mind
Do you want to hear?
I have so many thoughts.
Do I really want to share?

Our lives cross paths.
For reasons I am sure.
We find each other to heal each other.
Why wouldn't we?

So many times we need.,
So many times we don't ask.
Yet we are here and available.
We feel needed when we can help.

That is what friends do.
That is what your village does.
We help one another.
That's what applies now.

As a reminder to all of us-
And please, please share...
We need each other, we want to help.
Let us apply NOW.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

The Why

We talked and you said you heard.
I told you what I didn't like.
We had a great night.
But you chose anyway.

You chose a vice over us.
Was it worth it?
Was your high worth the disappountment?
Because it wasnt to us.

I no longer worry about other opinions.
I tried to protect you but no longer.
Your choices are your own.
As are ours.

Decide whats most important.
We may or may not be here in the end.


Saturday, August 19, 2017

The Edge

In life we walk.
We choose our own paths.
There are times the path is clear,
And times we must clear our own.

Decisions.
They are so difficult to make.
Because what if you're wrong?
What if you are lead to a cliff?

Then what?

I have making my way down those paths.
All leading to a cliff.
One that there would be no coming back from.
It terrified me.

I stood there so many times.
Looking over, wondering.
Do I go back and find another way?
Or do I jump?

I have processed and pondered.
Imagined and wondered.
Dreamt about and longed for
That edge. That jump.

One day something made me stop
I turned to look back
It was a single gesture, a single moment
With intense relief, I walked away from the edge.



Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I can't.
Though I want to.
I long to.
But I won't.
All because I am not sure.

What do I do?
Please tell me.
Please help me.

Mom, I wish I could ask you.
Would you know what to tell me?
You would because you love me.
That is all I need right now.

Where do I go when nothing feels right?
How do I decide what is best?
Tell me Mom because I'm hurting right now.
Help me make these jumbled thoughts into good decisions.

Hug me Mom because I need it now.
More than anything I need your hug.
Tell me it will be okay and let me
Lay my head on your shoulder.

I can smell you and see your smile.

Dear Mom,
I need you.
Right now.
I wish you were here.

I really need you.
I really miss you.

My heart hurts mom.
It really hurts.

Somewhere Inside

  • I keep all of Sophie's drawings.
  • The cleaning bug doesn't usually bite me but when it does it is usually all out. I go overboard.
  • I love things that touch my heart.
  • I love a good heart wrenching book or movie.
  • I believe in fairy tales.
  • I wish I could let go of all of my insecurities and live completely free.
  • I feel like I get on people's nerves.
  • I want to be noticed but I don't like attention.
  • I have trouble sleeping - too many thoughts and fears.
  • Music makes my soul feel free.
  • I can be terribly stubborn.
  • I can be judgemental
  • Mountains make me happy.
  • I secretly wish I could afford to focus my energy on some type of art and my family, not a "job".
  • I often feel out of place or irrelevant.
  • I enjoy detail specific activities.
  • Sophie can make me the happiest person in the world and break my heart so completely - all in the same instant.
  • Chris can do the same thing.
  • I can read a day away.
  • Friendships are hard for me.
  • Philosophy intrigues me.
  • I love Willie Wonka.
  • I fear early death.
  • I wish my mother could be here.