Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Scratches

 


The child says “Mom, I feel like my heart is held together with bandaids. My feelings get hurt and there are scratches on my heart that still don’t have bandaids”.
The mom hugs the child tightly while the scratches on her own heart grow deeper.
-RA

Monday, July 6, 2020

Exhausted

I've been tired for so many years. The gouge of daily life seems to only deepen.
My body, a physical manifestation of pain.
My mind, misunderstood or too complicated for the masses.
It is both poison and wine.

The poison keeps dissipating any semblance of happiness, while the wine both encourages and conceals.
A roundabout that hasn't any exits.
A darkness that hasn't any light.
It just keeps weighting down like a sinker.

The tired fog envelopes like a tarnished cloud.
No amount of polishing could bring about the shine.
It sits there heavy, like solid silver.
Never worth its weight in gold.

You scream for help, plead for someone to feel what you feel.
In silence.
Because your real voice is never heard.
Everyone always hears what they want.

The knot in your chest ebbs and flows like the tide.
It is always there, but sometimes you can forget it and smile.
I wish it were opposite.
Where my smile is always there, but sometimes I feel the knot.

Being alone, but not wanting to be near.
Wanting to be wanted, yet unable to give anymore.
It is all so cumbersome. A strain on my very soul.
Outside the depiction is physical. Inside I'm...well,

Exhausted.





Somewhere Inside

  • I keep all of Sophie's drawings.
  • The cleaning bug doesn't usually bite me but when it does it is usually all out. I go overboard.
  • I love things that touch my heart.
  • I love a good heart wrenching book or movie.
  • I believe in fairy tales.
  • I wish I could let go of all of my insecurities and live completely free.
  • I feel like I get on people's nerves.
  • I want to be noticed but I don't like attention.
  • I have trouble sleeping - too many thoughts and fears.
  • Music makes my soul feel free.
  • I can be terribly stubborn.
  • I can be judgemental
  • Mountains make me happy.
  • I secretly wish I could afford to focus my energy on some type of art and my family, not a "job".
  • I often feel out of place or irrelevant.
  • I enjoy detail specific activities.
  • Sophie can make me the happiest person in the world and break my heart so completely - all in the same instant.
  • Chris can do the same thing.
  • I can read a day away.
  • Friendships are hard for me.
  • Philosophy intrigues me.
  • I love Willie Wonka.
  • I fear early death.
  • I wish my mother could be here.