Sunday, May 19, 2019

Wolves

The Universe told me.
That I was not like the others.
I knew that from a very young age.

So I followed that voice.
It lead me straight.
With lots of wrong turns.

So here I am.
With myself.
My soul in the mirror.

I see.
I know.
It just takes movement.

I try.
I fail.
And I fail again.

It wakes me up at night.
And I vow to change.
But I make the same decision.

Except that my kids see too.
They accelerate the process.
They force the vision of what should be.

And it is right.
They are smarter.
They know the way so much better than I.

So I listen.
I correct when necessary.
I am, in fact, their mother.

It is hard.
I let them down.
I don't mean to.

But I know things.
I know that no matter what,
My girls will know their way through me.

They will know
Because I knew before them.
I knew my kids were changers.

My girls will lead.
At least I hope they see that enough in themselves to do so.
Because they can.

That will broaden and elevate their own voices and thoughts.
I hope I encourage them to speak.
To ensure their voices aren't lost or neglected.

They will be so much better than me.
I was silent for so long.
But I'm not now.

They need to know who I am.
What I stand for.
And why I scream.

It. Is. ALL. For. Them.

That's what the universe was telling me.
I was too young to understand
Until I had children.

Until I had daughters...

Our rights should always be protected.
Our bodies should always be ours.
Our voices should always be heard.

And if you listen closely, they have always spoken clearly.
You just have to be "man" enough to not only hear them,
But respect them.

After all, we run with wolves.

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Somewhere Inside

  • I keep all of Sophie's drawings.
  • The cleaning bug doesn't usually bite me but when it does it is usually all out. I go overboard.
  • I love things that touch my heart.
  • I love a good heart wrenching book or movie.
  • I believe in fairy tales.
  • I wish I could let go of all of my insecurities and live completely free.
  • I feel like I get on people's nerves.
  • I want to be noticed but I don't like attention.
  • I have trouble sleeping - too many thoughts and fears.
  • Music makes my soul feel free.
  • I can be terribly stubborn.
  • I can be judgemental
  • Mountains make me happy.
  • I secretly wish I could afford to focus my energy on some type of art and my family, not a "job".
  • I often feel out of place or irrelevant.
  • I enjoy detail specific activities.
  • Sophie can make me the happiest person in the world and break my heart so completely - all in the same instant.
  • Chris can do the same thing.
  • I can read a day away.
  • Friendships are hard for me.
  • Philosophy intrigues me.
  • I love Willie Wonka.
  • I fear early death.
  • I wish my mother could be here.