My Southern Soul: Today

Wednesday, March 27, 2019

I'm sad but I can't quite say why

The world is sad and I can give you a thousand reason for its tears.

Water still flows smoothly over obstacles and flowers bloom through concrete.

Hearts still fall in love after being broken a hundred times.

I'm aware of things I choose to ignore.

There is a constant internal argument in my head that is neverending.

It deflates me.

I need focus but there is a circus in my mind.

Acts in every ring.

I don't want to look.

I want to swim underwater, be weightless and quiet.

But the weight on my shoulders is so heavy.

I don't want to drown.

The noise in my mind both reminds me that I am alive and keeps me from living.

The sun warms my face and the wind blows through my fingers.

Why can't I feel them?

Why can't I feel anything?

And that's just today...

Somewhere Inside

I keep all of Sophie's drawings.
The cleaning bug doesn't usually bite me but when it does it is usually all out. I go overboard.
I love things that touch my heart.
I love a good heart wrenching book or movie.
I believe in fairy tales.
I wish I could let go of all of my insecurities and live completely free.
I feel like I get on people's nerves.
I want to be noticed but I don't like attention.
I have trouble sleeping - too many thoughts and fears.
Music makes my soul feel free.
I can be terribly stubborn.
I can be judgemental
Mountains make me happy.
I secretly wish I could afford to focus my energy on some type of art and my family, not a "job".
I often feel out of place or irrelevant.
I enjoy detail specific activities.
Sophie can make me the happiest person in the world and break my heart so completely - all in the same instant.
Chris can do the same thing.
I can read a day away.
Friendships are hard for me.
Philosophy intrigues me.
I love Willie Wonka.
I fear early death.
I wish my mother could be here.