If Only I Could

Mist Mother   Anders Krisar

As a mother with anxiety and depression, I cannot help but feel guilt as I watch my daughter go through the hurt and fight the same battle. I wrote this for her: 

The stars in your eyes have always been bright, the blue shows through to your soul
That soul that is endless, thoughtful, and vast, yet delicate and fragile as truth. The years you’ve walked with me along our path have deepened both love and regard
Your spirit, it wanders both in and out of our world. It sees and knows what’s intangible to us.
You are open and lovely and complicated and Touched. You're a light that illuminates and leaves small embers on everyone you touch

Within that soul though, there lies a darkness so wretched and strong. It can consume
your light and leave only bones. Your spirit fades and you cry
Its leaves are so brown, so black, and so heavy. They weigh you down, those seraphic blue eyes fade
The small annoyances others see, to you are monsters, malevolent with their force
You tremble and shrink into any place that feels removed. Away from it, away from me
I weep with sadness and anger, I want to take it away. If only I could.

That monster is mine and I shared it with you. The genetic darkness I could never control
My fears, the weight, the sadness, and hurt. I had no control and I am so sorry
Guilt steals my sleep, worry bleeds the moments and overtakes what lightness we have
I would consume all of yours so your soul can smile and your light continuously glow
I would lessen the force, I would fight the battle for you. You wouldn’t need to tremble
You wouldn’t need to hide. If only I could.

She won't every be alone in her battle. I will fight my way through hell to make sure she knows that.