I Walk

See, here’s the thing. I just want you to hear me.
To understand that I’m a good person.
I have a voice worth hearing.
A woman who sees many things.
More importantly, a human who can understand well beyond common context.

I don't say that boastfully.
It is simply true.
I always have, even as a young child.
My heart developed words that my mind heard.
I have always listened.

I respect your opinion, your thoughts, your ways.
So why can’t you just accept me?
Why do I even have to ask?
Why do I even care?
Why should I?

I’m so tired of your (of everyone's)
inability to allow me to be me.
It's too much I suppose.
Don't be sad for me or assume I need sympathy.
Don't feel like you have to say something.

I’m not always happy; in fact, I’m usually struggling with something every single moment.
I have anxiety and depression.
It is diagnosed.
It can rear its ugly head and bring me tomy knees.
It’s really fucking cumbersome and I get tired.

I have so many moments I don’t share because none of you understand.
How can you explain something to others that they can’t see?
Cant even feel?
But I do, profoundly.
But I'm not the sad girl.

I want to shout. So loudly.
But no one wants to hear that do they?
I want state fervently every word that comes to mind.
Obviously, that shit doesn’t work.
I accept that.

I really just want to leave.
To be alone.
To take care of me because no one else can.
And to let nature surround me with loving warmth
even on the coldest days.

I know I make you uncomfortable.
I know you don’t know what to say.
I get it.
I understand, some things are just too much.
Maybe I am too much.

That’s why I feel alone.
You wouldn’t hold my hand anyway; you’re too timid.
So I walk alone.
As I guess I should.
I suppose that is what is meant for me.


I think I'm okay with that.
So...I Walk.
I walk.

Sad Girl

No one likes the sad girl. She lingers in the corners watching, listening, building castles in the air; it makes you uneasy so you do your best to ignore her. 

No one likes to hear her speak, for she speaks most often of the dark places in her mind. Those dark places are like mirrors and you are afraid of what you might see. Her eyes are like oceans - what lies beneath also lies within. She can see things hidden, she can hear the whispers of the waves, and she can feel what is suppressed. She is the storm.
No one likes to watch her move because her paths are uncharted, unfamiliar, and seemingly indefinite. Her fingers touch the leaves as she walks by, her hand catches the wind through the window. She stops to let the sun shine all of its warmth into her soul. She is the reason for your apprehension. She makes you still.
No one likes the sad girl, her tears and her words contain unfathomable weight. Too much for this world. Along her lines are stories, written by every second she has lived and ever will live. Every wrinkle a tale, every pore a memory, every hair a moment that has touched her. She is indescribable, yet she is tangible. She is not you.
No one wants to get too close. She is never really open though her heart is like a river - ever moving, unrestrained. To see inside, under the current, the clearness of her intentions.The white noise of her raging. To be near her is to burn. She is fire.
No one sings her song. The soft ancient melody that the world has hummed forever, it is hers. A song that changes and forever stays the same. The dark sky that is her, full of stars, most unseen.The moon her only light. She changes the tides and you still can't see.

No one likes the sad girl.
How would they know she is luminescent...

Like A Cuddle

As a kitty curls into your chest
With trust unconditional
And a child holds onto you with
Innocence and true love

I will let go in the same way.
With love and no conditions.
A hug and a kiss
With understanding and sweetness.

Because it means the most to everyone that way.

It's Okay

You can tell me things are wrong but
It's okay
Things may happen that cause dismay but
It's okay
I can pretend to be okay
But I'm not.
You can say you are
But you aren't.
I'm glad we can be honest and admit
We aren't okay
Just so we can be.
Secrets and withheld thoughts only cause us harm
Honesty and love holds us together.
And that's what we are.
Together.
You have said it.
I have said it.
The universe has made it clear.
We will be okay.
No matter how hard or how many times we have to fight.
We. Are. Okay.
And that's why I love you.

What Applies Now

It runs through my mind
Do you want to hear?
I have so many thoughts.
Do I really want to share?

Our lives cross paths.
For reasons I am sure.
We find each other to heal each other.
Why wouldn't we?

So many times we need.,
So many times we don't ask.
Yet we are here and available.
We feel needed when we can help.

That is what friends do.
That is what your village does.
We help one another.
That's what applies now.

As a reminder to all of us-
And please, please share...
We need each other, we want to help.
Let us apply NOW.

The Why

We talked and you said you heard.
I told you what I didn't like.
We had a great night.
But you chose anyway.

You chose a vice over us.
Was it worth it?
Was your high worth the disappountment?
Because it wasnt to us.

I no longer worry about other opinions.
I tried to protect you but no longer.
Your choices are your own.
As are ours.

Decide whats most important.
We may or may not be here in the end.

The Edge

In life we walk.
We choose our own paths.
There are times the path is clear,
And times we must clear our own.

Decisions.
They are so difficult to make.
Because what if you're wrong?
What if you are lead to a cliff?

Then what?

I have making my way down those paths.
All leading to a cliff.
One that there would be no coming back from.
It terrified me.

I stood there so many times.
Looking over, wondering.
Do I go back and find another way?
Or do I jump?

I have processed and pondered.
Imagined and wondered.
Dreamt about and longed for
That edge. That jump.

One day something made me stop
I turned to look back
It was a single gesture, a single moment
With intense relief, I walked away from the edge.