Friendships

Ramblings About Friendships

Friendships are hard for me. I don't feel like I am very good at them. I care very much about my friends - the machinery of life just never slows and all of my energy goes to my family first. I am also a loner at heart. I enjoy being at home alone or with my family very much. So much so, that I find I have a hard time going out or to visit friends, I would rather them come to my house. Thankfully most have said they enjoy coming to my house because it feels like home, albeit a messy one. :) There isn't a better compliment on your most beloved space than that. I don't need attention, I dont need an acquaintance, I need unconditional love.

I also want to comment on being dumped on, bitched to, and unusual expecations.

I understand frustrations, like the way someone handled a particular situation or said something that you didn't like. I undersand that no one else is going to live or think the same way I do. I understand that I fall into that trap sometimes. What I don't understand is why some people feel it is ok to pass their judgements or frustrations onto me. Is there something about me that attracts that type of person? Why do I have to be the person someone expects me to be?

I am me. I am not going to be anyone else, nor should I be.

I have burned several bridges because I simply could not stand to fan a flame any longer. I just got tired of being the dumping ground, the dart board, or "Mrs. Jones".

I think friendships should be effortless. It should be easy to be be friends right? Too many things in life are hard, shouldn't friendships be easy?

True friends should always first see the good in any part of the other. You can later break down the bad if necessary but most of the time it isn't. True friends listen without judgement and either commiserate or lift up - whichever best suits the situation and they will know exactly when and which - every time. True friends should always be able to see through the mask of bravery you are wearing when your soul is aching.

A true friend is: the kind of person whom you know you can call up and say nothing but feel better just by hearing their voice, or the one who accepts all of you exactly who you are - lifestyle, choices, decisions, etc included. Or someone who will wait patiently while you cry over the telephone until you are able to tell them why and then say that right something that makes you feel better. That is my definition.

I certainly hope my true friends feel that way about me.

I will not apologize for me, my family, or my choices in life. If there is a person who comes into my life who expects me to do so, I will just have to watch them walk right back out. My quality of life is more important than trying to bend to someone else's ideals. In true friendship, there is no backbiting, no negative thoughts, no turning away.

I am very grateful to have been endowed with some very true and wonderful friends.

I will always be there for them and I know they will always be there for me.

You know who you are.